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Opened Up

by Wes Meadows

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    This round of tapes comes in the same case and with the same inserts, but is a run of 10 black C90s with the live album (on tour) on the b-side.

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    Normal bias C45 tapes in clear norelco cases with full-color 3-panel j-card insert. Includes an exclusive bonus track. Edition of 10 random colors.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Opened Up via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.
Put out your hand and try to pick up what’s left Ignore the memories of emotional theft What roaring flames can even leave in their wake I know that I’d just make another mistake Returning forms to drawers I’ll no longer see What room is left here for someone like me The ashes of a better place dust my face This is a casualty of proper malaise I didn’t trust you to begin with but I made a choice I interrupted my suspicion with a louder voice You always wanted more of life’s mending credit But waste your breath suggesting how we should end it Motioning upward towards the night sky I drift my gaze and rest my tired eyes What you’ve presented isn’t at all what’s expected Beginning of a breakthrough always feels over extended It’s just not worth it to try I’m fucked as much as the next guy We haven’t broken through to anything new and we probably won’t while were still alive It’s still important to grieve what we destroy and what we leave so watch out for all of these ardent detractors It isn’t what you should believe I’m folding it away and no longer peeking These pages paved the ways to constant critiquing These empty words do nothing to hold it back Misspoken prose for a new panic attack In the morning I’ll be fine I’ll leave it all behind Keep my thoughts in my mind So I don’t find myself reminding Please Don’t do this without me I’ve never been so lucky I wish you wish you were me
2.
Hot enough to sizzle and spit Slow sink into the sand pit It’s still too hard from letting anybody see The notion that I need to feel free It’s always still a surprise We’ll have nothing like the other times I’ve made an act of being loud but unobtrusive Bored in the corner almost every time I’ve used it Point me where being cold won’t sound reclusive Won’t be too upset when I finally lose it Anyone who can still question what it’s worth has never seen it Louder than most but giving in to everything that preconceived it He doesn’t think that anything will ever change unless he sees it But I still never get to wear my face because I don’t believe it I’m still just falling behind It won’t be just like the other times
3.
Inside 02:25
I guess it’s up to you where we go from here Content to stay locked up in the wrong year Not really sure what exactly you want from me But I’m already too much part of the history I can’t live anywhere else but inside myself Legs locked up under your harsh refrain I try but nothing of my meaning remains I know you’re too far in for what’s left to come Brace myself for feeling too hard to fall undone I can’t live anywhere else but inside myself I can’t live anywhere else
4.
Remember that I tried to warn you I know from experience what you go through He’s eased off the warm belly under his bed It’s so much clearer to see when you know he’s dead Say you miss me Know you’re lying Call stays waiting Know what you’re saying
5.
Better 01:10
This is the better me The one who can’t argue The one you can talk to The one you take comfort in when you fall asleep And I’m here to say It’s better this way
6.
All You Want 05:26
Why am I so filled with guilt If I love what world I have built Getting myself used to suffering Doing my best to do the right thing Life moves on Like it or not Sit there all you want If I am still me what will I not be Unleadened and happy Still wracked with worry No luck will save me Hoping means nothing Tell me I’m bluffing Life moves on Like it or not Sit there all you want Hold on hard to the fantasy That the world has some left for me Can I walk outside head held high And find myself within the mystery
7.
Process 04:30
Every document is warm and complete Preparing sympathy for sudden retreat Is it right To feel this nice Saving receipts for further critique Face on the heat and you’re finally unique Is it right To feel this nice You’ve never been next to me I’m tired of all this hiding You’ve never been next to me So many times I put off the dream More than ready to leave it be This light is not for the cowardly You’ve never been next to me You don’t deserve what is left to see
8.
Always 06:40
I’m still submerged beneath the surface holding my breath Hiding inside the house to avoid anything direct Never thought to ask myself what exactly the problem was But I’ll be here a while so I guess there’s time to figure it out Cuz I’m operating on a smaller scale breaking down my every day salvaging what’s left of me Already throwing out the furniture selling off the silverware calling disability Begin again somewhere that I can be almost unperceived myself within my insecurity I’ll see you soon but in another way i don’t need to stay we won’t discuss what happened here today It takes a long time to admit that i'm no good at words It's even harder for me to imagine returns The worlds always there and I am always trying To keep from being to unaware But it's too late for hiding Cuz i’ve always been dying A slippery spill that i should have contained Such a stubborn stain within the memories my mind retains I’ll see you soon but in another way I don’t need to stay we won’t discuss what happened here today Always opened up

about

Opened Up is the eighth album by Wes Meadows. It's a fuzzy honest self-examination, a bitter ode to anxiety, and a dedication to deathless love. It's gross and beautiful, often at the same time. We hope you enjoy it but it's okay if you don't.

credits

released July 31, 2021

Recorded by Wes Meadows at Sunnyvale Trailer Park and Willow's Spare Room January-July 2021 with the exception of Better, which was recorded June 2019
Mixed and mastered by Wes Meadows July 2021

Thanks to Willow, Ben, John, KB, Jen, Chris, Tara, Nathan, and Shteve for instruments, equipment, advice, and support

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Flowerpot Records Ohio

A record label based out of Berea, Ohio, putting out CDs and tapes from artists around the country.

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