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I Have Found A Home In The Belly Of A Ghost

by Backtalk

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    Red cassette tape, comes in a jewel case with full color insert. Includes demos, alternate takes, and sound collages created by Jack Johnson on the b-side. First press of 25.

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1.
Waking up on my own terms Always anxious, always honestly Falling in love with a photograph Of yourself when you were a kid/ You’re stuck in bed again You don’t go out anymore You fucked this up again It doesn’t faze you anymore / I’m still waiting For your Approval To come back home Death and losing Sleep Over lost love/ Wipe your tears On a makeshift best friend’s shoulder Fuck your faith Fuck these relationships I crashed my car Into a fence And it’s burning from the hood Fuck your faith Fuck these relationships
2.
Amputation 04:28
My brother said he doesn’t want to be like me when he grows up I don’t blame him Cause I am angry all the time I don’t want to be like myself when I grow up either There’s a feeling in my throat and it kind of feels like you And it kind of feels like shit There’s a feeling in my lungs and it kind of resembles The last hit on a cigarette/ I remember lying on your floor You warmed my heart I remember smiling But I refuse to be myself/ They say that you’re your own worst critic But I think I critique myself just fine And they say you’re your own worst enemy, but I don’t think I am I know I’m mine/ Sometimes I think I hate myself too much Then I realize I don’t hate myself enough And there are times when I hope to live forever here with you But now I understand That I’m meant to die alone
3.
Parsons 03:06
I remember back when I believed in god and just like you those days are gone I know that you meant it when you said that we never can Even though you said, “I won’t say never”, you meant never In your head/ I’m just scared that December will last for the rest of my life And I’ll always be 16 in my head Seasons change, but I get older And I’ll never be fine ‘till I’m dead/ I’ve been thinking a whole lot Probably more than I should I’ve tried so hard this year to be good But I can’t and I know that But I try and I guess that’s what really counts I can’t, yeah I know that But I try and I guess it kind of helps/ I know who I want to be When I was with you I could be everything I know who I want to be When I was with you I could be everything
4.
Tom doesn’t live here anymore Last June he killed himself I think I’ll do the same cause I don’t matter to anyone else/ Life is hate Hate is everything That I know, that I adhere to I’m sorry that I let you down/ Everyone leaves and everyone dies There’s no way of stopping the passing of time.
5.
You stain the glass With the fog created by your breath You write the names of the boys you like In a row in the fog/ You carve your limbs With a Swiss you got when you were a kid You wrote the names of the boys you like But now everyone’s dead/ I’m lying on the backseat of my car I want to be with you, but you’re so far/ Look what you’ve done Now everyone’s gone
6.
Oh, you fucked up, but it turned out fine Oh, you knew what you got from the get-go, You’re fucked up, you hate it And all of your friends moved away And you’re still in high school, but you want to die every day/ I know I have changed more than I ever have In these three short months living life as though I hate I’m not scared of death as much as I though would’ve been But I don’t want to die because I think too much when I’m alive, I know I’ve said things I never meant Like, “I don’t think that I will ever come back” These things come and pass Like all of my stupid high school friends It’s like when you’re a kid and you thought more of your dad/ I know who I want to be, But I will watch it fade away/ I know I have changed (and I was never your lover) more than I ever have In these three short months (and I was never your friend) living life as though I hate I’m not scared of death as much as I though would’ve been But I don’t want to die because I think too much when I’m alive, I know I’ve said things (and I am not a good person) I never meant Like, “I don’t think that I will ever come back” (and I am always afraid) These things come and pass Like all of my stupid high school friends It’s like when you’re a kid and you thought more of your dad
7.
The steps I took to impress my dad Only made feel so fucking vulnerable/ I am so thankful for the friends that I’ve met Who have helped me to realize that I can accept And though I’m still trying to clean up this mess I’m learning to smile though I will never forget myself/ I fell in love with my best friend last August And I feel much different than I did last year There’s a hole in my chest that I am Trying to fill up And holes in my lungs that I’ve been Feeling all year, But I feel fine (you’ll forget me in hour) But I feel fine (you’ll forget me when I’m home)/ I looked in your eyes I swear to god I’ll never let this end Because I still love you like I did last August And you still love me like you did last spring, And I don’t want to die But I’ll kill myself 1,000 times Cause I don’t want to live I don’t feel safe in my skin
8.
Cleveland 02:50
I need to get a hold of myself cause I’ve been Scared forever I want to breathe again But I never can in this weather And there’s a hole in my lungs big enough To drown my heart But you’ve already done that Back when we fell apart/ You’ve given me false hope God isn’t real And I’ll always be alone I want to disappear (like all of my friends did) I want to disappear (because I miss you so much)/ I need to get a hold of mself cause I’ve been Scared forever I want to breathe again But I never can in this weather All the leaves have fallen from the trees to the ground Leaving the branches blank And you’d probably hate me now If could see how low I’ve sank/ I hate my life And my legs are shaking Cause it’s cold outside And you moved to Cleveland, I want to die Cause my heart is breaking But I’ll be fine Hey, how’s Cleveland?
9.
Sometimes I want to go back And visit your town Watch you grow up Watch you settle down, And I still can’t figure out What’s in your pocket Is it a notebook or Is it a map? Go upstairs Lock the door Think of me, Waste your life Butting heads with me/ I’m sprawled Out on your bedroom floor Think about your body Think about your breathing And how I don’t feel it anymore, I’m bleeding Out In the bathroom on the tile The cat’s in the kitchen Along with my sister and her friends/ There’s a place in my life that I wanted to be at But when I tell my friends they don’t really see it And I feel much better when I’m alone Than I ever fucking did when I was at your home, We always said we’d be ok But as the months went by I was growing more afraid Do you remember that night That we drove back to your parents I kissed your neck underneath that tree And you pointed to my heart said, “always save that for me”/ Happy kids Happy birthday Waking up inside of you, Merciful, Jesus Christ Hang my neck/

about

Backtalk's debut full-length. 9 energetic, chaotic, emotional songs for your enjoyment.

credits

released October 31, 2015

Jack Johnson - guitar, bass, vocals
Ryan Brown - drums, gang vocals
Wes Meadows - trumpet, gang vocals

Recorded October 8 - October 16 at Ryan's Ranch
Produced by Wes Meadows and Backtalk

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Flowerpot Records Ohio

A record label based out of Berea, Ohio, putting out CDs and tapes from artists around the country.

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