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Heaven Is For Real

from ALTAR by Alina Remains

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lyrics

“Do you really want to die?” I was asked. I laughed at first. No. Mostly not. I say it enough That you would think I’m suicidal, and maybe there’s a small stroke of that. But I realized in that room with her, that no one had ever asked me that before. And that all of the thousands of times I declared “I want to die,” I never really did. I thought for a few moments, and then, choking back tears and thinking out loud, “I don’t think I want to die. I just want To be somewhere kinder. gentler. Where love never dies, and mom’s alright and nothing hides in the dark of the night and the warmth doesn’t fade when the moon comes out whether up north or deep in the south it’s never too hot but you never get cold in the sprightly spring or the autumn gold in the vibrant summer or by winterfall wearing sweaters or coats or nothing at all." I started to cry. Even after years of choking it down, You can’t stop a flood, just try not to drown. I was raised strapped to a table with words whispered in my ears, screamed sometimes. “Death is the reward.” God is death The first words stamped into my little clay head. This life is a maddening trial. and death is the reward. God only comes at the end. “I want to die” Is an unfinished thought: If I can’t find heaven on earth, Then I don’t want to be here anymore.

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from ALTAR, released April 19, 2024

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Flowerpot Records Ohio

A record label based out of Berea, Ohio, putting out CDs and tapes from artists around the country.

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