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ALTAR

by Alina Remains

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1.
Streetcars 04:30
What's that I heard From out my window It's the streetcars racin' in the summertime Bee stings baby really cramp my style But the ibuprofen's so sublime Sippin on a cola on my motorola It's 2011 and i feel just fine Bruises on my knees Bruises on my knees and a cut on my face But it was fine Now I'm lying all alone in my 20s and I might die I'm giving everything and I'm barely gettin' by Streetcars racin' through the pathways in my mind Where did it go? Where did the time go?
2.
One Way Bus 05:32
you’re sick and then you’re saved he spilled the blood you gave preacher, passage you don’t know who to trust you’re there and then you’re not you’re here and then you’re gone you’re going up to heaven on a one way bus your friends say you are sick with habits you can’t kick pride, greed, envy, wrath and lust jesus if you’re there promise to guide me home take me on your bus to somewhere no one knows and if heaven was a lie and jesus if you’re gone and lucy broke the seal then where do I go? where do I go from here? if god’s gone missing then What do I do with all this fear?
3.
I wanna feel around inside her skin I wanna be the tonic to her gin I want her to hit me if she's pissed Cause i know that i can take it on the chin I wanna call her daddy in bed Fingers inside while I'm giving her head Her hands on my throat Feel like the hands of god And she's squeezing so tight She's choking out the rot I wanna be reborn in her image I wanna be her little genesis I wanna be her whole world And everything in it
4.
Chewtoy 03:33
i can be your chewtoy i can be your object i can be your girlboy i can be your project i can be anything anything you want i can be the arm-candy that you flaunt i can be nothing if that's what you need i can be the bubblegum between your teeth Hurt me please hold me while i bleed leash me break me hide my body in your backseat tell me you love me then leave me at the bottom of the trash-heap with everyone you no longer need
5.
Courtship 02:28
you saw a fuckin freak I saw a little angel my splinter flecked jacket your short white sundress Your eyes were like doe eyes Your expression was playful Mine was suspicious I looked unstable but you asked for my number i don’t got a phone So don’t wait for a text Let me take you right home Pour you some water Or maybe some milk Serenade my tired ears With hymnals of silk let me be your butch you can be my girl the world’s gonna hate us so screw the whole world
6.
Mean Girl 03:05
suit and tie and white veiled dress I'd like to love you but not like this it makes me sick to think about pink and blue and all their vows I got this crush that don't feel right couldn't see you in a man's cruel light I'd like to share an orange with you & make all your dreams come true I'd like to love you forever like a femme lesbian loves a dyke i'd like to light your cigarette The meanest girl I've ever met I'd like to kiss your combat boots and feed you all your favorite fruits I'd like to make a shrine to you let you mark me black and blue I'd like to love you forever like A femme lesbian loves a dyke i'd like to light your cigarette The meanest girl I've ever met
7.
AND IF THE WORLD WON'T SEE TOMORROW, THEN LOVE ME AT LEAST FOR TONIGHT? AND IF LOVE IS DEAD THEN SO ARE WE AND THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO MAKE RIGHT NOTHING LIKE A LOVER'S PLIGHT TO TEACH YOU HOW TO HURT I'D WRITE ONCE MORE JUST TO SHARE THE SAME FEW LINES AS HER LOVE IS, LOVE IS, LOVE IS THE END, THE END, THE END LOVE IS THE END OF THE WORLD LOVE IS THE END OF THE WORLD LOVE IS THE END OF THE WORLD
8.
Lake Of Fire 04:45
Sometimes I scream at god And sometimes I pray You'd see the halo on my head If the horns weren't in the way A cross hangs on my wall And it ain't so god will see It's cause christ is like my brother Same blood type as me I don't pray to be saved I pray so I'm heard I don't want to be loved I want everything to burn So c'mon and fill that lake with fire C'mon, give your soul
9.
Buckshot 03:30
Sometimes the hand comes from inside the house Sometimes family doesn't mean shit and I still wonder if you've got any scars to remind you that you went too far do you thank the lord that I held back? do you ask him for another chance? all of this anger used to be love you wanted me cold, you wanted me tough you made the bed you're lying in you wanted to play policeman you got an outlaw on your hands do you wanna hear her masterplan? you can give it everything you got your hardened hands can't beat the buckshot
10.
when the light shines through the stained glass and it shines right down on you it almost makes you forget the bloody night before kneeling on your rug-burned knees and reaching for the moon begging god to rescue you, so sure he’d be there soon you can’t help those ugly thoughts you didn’t put them there it was the devil in the other room creeping up the stairs scratches on your virgin face and a self-inflicted bruise if shame brought you to heaven you were sure to be there soon your family, school and town police all helped tie your noose they broke your legs and told you “run” and god was their excuse they took you to the slaughterhouse and chopped you up with care the god you knew had come and gone or he was never there the cross was never yours to bare you were just a kid you were the lamb they sacrificed and the secret that they hid
11.
Abandon Hope 08:38
I thought I was safe I thought I was out but she’s back in my bed and I’ve lost who I was to the things that she said how can you love me, love me and rip me from my dreams But i listen when you speak. “You’ll do what I say or I’ll leave you’re nothing without my love you’re nothing if you’re not mine” nothing you feel and nothing you think and nothing inside you can hide from my eyes.” I was missing the light, So i begged for a sign And saw nothing And i heard nothing And i knew there was nothing i knew was there was nothing and I knew she was right “Jesus I need you to save me muzzle the hounds in my head my lover is sick and my father is lost and my mother is dead” and no one came and no one spoke I saw a way out through the loop of a rope I abandoned god and I abandoned hope and a darkness drew near It was a horseman with a spire and helm and the symbol of death and the mark of the beast upon his forehead “Come. Leave her. Leave god and the world, Abandon your flesh and embody your spite. God isn’t coming and you cannot fight. So come with me, and abandon the light.” I saw god Through the loop of a rope he snapped the neck of a dove and told me to give up all hope
12.
these hallowed fields whosoever shall walk upon them may she wither like the crop in october may she who parts the stalks of grass yield nothing from the corn in june may all men who leave their name see their bloodline cursed with plague may his harvest fail to keep him through the famine of dead winters may a great drying fall upon this place that august may bring fire to the weeds and may the ash smother your flock on this hallowed dirt, may you never find home may you never meet luck these hallowed fields may you never find heaven within them a death, a death on the prairie rarely leaves a bone to bury these hallowed fields may you never find heaven atop them
13.
Baby Lamb 04:43
Tied to that place like a dog nothing to my name at all the remnants of laughter and dreams are trapped inside of the walls sleeping in chains, at the bottom of the well This angel crawled up from the bottom of hell the scars that prove it cannot be seen You hear them in my throat whenever I scream a quiet kid clothed in thorns this baby lamb grew devil horns there is no plague and there is no war and there is no fury like a child scorned
14.
“Do you really want to die?” I was asked. I laughed at first. No. Mostly not. I say it enough That you would think I’m suicidal, and maybe there’s a small stroke of that. But I realized in that room with her, that no one had ever asked me that before. And that all of the thousands of times I declared “I want to die,” I never really did. I thought for a few moments, and then, choking back tears and thinking out loud, “I don’t think I want to die. I just want To be somewhere kinder. gentler. Where love never dies, and mom’s alright and nothing hides in the dark of the night and the warmth doesn’t fade when the moon comes out whether up north or deep in the south it’s never too hot but you never get cold in the sprightly spring or the autumn gold in the vibrant summer or by winterfall wearing sweaters or coats or nothing at all." I started to cry. Even after years of choking it down, You can’t stop a flood, just try not to drown. I was raised strapped to a table with words whispered in my ears, screamed sometimes. “Death is the reward.” God is death The first words stamped into my little clay head. This life is a maddening trial. and death is the reward. God only comes at the end. “I want to die” Is an unfinished thought: If I can’t find heaven on earth, Then I don’t want to be here anymore.

about

The debut full-length from Alina Remains is the culmination of years of effort. In the course of writing, recording, and editing the album, Katalina cut at least another album's worth of material in an attempt to create a strong cohesive piece, and we think she's achieved just that.

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released April 19, 2024

All art and music created and edited by Katalina Lynch, with the exception of a sample from Crystal Tate in track 15.

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Flowerpot Records Ohio

A record label based out of Berea, Ohio, putting out CDs and tapes from artists around the country.

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